Belgaum experiences are etched in golden letters. I was there for a period of about ten months but the nature of goodwill I earned and the relationships that were fostered during this period is amazing. Today is a day to remember some of them. I have a friend who is about three years older to me but a youngster at heart. We enjoy mutual regard for each other and share many inimicable moments which we treasure. He lived in a large joint family which consisted of his grandmother, mother, sister, brother-in-law cum uncle, nephews and a younger brother of my age. The grandmother whom all addressed as Avva was an orthodox lady and had passed on these tenets to her daughter-in-law cum granddaughter. The mother was an highly adaptable lady with strong convictions. The brothers share a strong bond and the nephews brought up the rear front. They lived in such harmony which made me realise the values of a joint family system.
On the day I landed in Belgaum, I was taken to his house and I was to share a lunch hosted by this wonderful family. Fresh out of college, my casual wear was a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. The same type of wear was used for my home life. I was not used to dhothis or lungis. As the plates were laid out in a circular fashion,I waited for them to finish the preparation. Then I was told to get ready for lunch. I enquired about the place to wash my hands. A serene voice towered over and told me in chaste Dharwad dialect that I should change into a dhothi and doff my shirt. I said I was comfortable and looked around. It was my friend's grandmother. Slowly, she enlightened me on the need for comfortable wear at the time of lunch, its merits on the digestive system. My friend's sister told me clearly that all practices, traditions and rituals had their significance. Therefore, she said, "I know you are obedient and will listen to elders. Once Avva has told it is final." So saying, she gestured to her elder son who pulled out a dhothi. My friend who knew that I was at a loss took me to the inner room in the guise of making me comfortable for the change and asked me whether I knew to wear a dhothi. I confessed to him. He smiled and said. "Everything has a first time. We will help you out and you should be comfortable." The cordiality and the genial way in which the matter was pressed left me dumbfounded. In any other scenario, I would have expressed my displeasure but Avva came near the room and said, " The boy knows what is good for him. If he is unsure of the dhothi, give him a towel to hold it." with no arguments left and the decisions already made, I went on to don the new attire. The shirt and pant were placed on a hook and then the ceremony of washing the hands was adhered to. Then it was announced by his mother, "He is another son and let him have the first seat." My friend looked at me and laughed while his brother told I will take the seat by him.
The seats duly taken, it was ceremoniously annoucned that lunch will be served and there would be no panthi bedha. Effectively, all had to consume everything which was served. A fussy eater, and a person with highly introvert qualities, I glanced at my friend for help. He quickly told his mother," Since he is new to this system, let us make a small exception for him." The mother understood her new son's plight and said, " She will serve exactly as I would need." The brother looked at the quantities being served and taken by me and told," One of the two things have to happen. Either you start eating well or I will change my seat to a seat before yours. As soon as you stop Amma from serving she is skipping my leaf too." The plate is also termed as a leaf colloquially. Soon the others joined and I had become the cause of a lot of merriment. The meal for others had concluded while I was still eating. The whole lot of them waited for me to complete my lunch. The plates were to be left which is contrary to our practice of washing our own plates. I was unsure of rising from my place with the dhothi but successfully did so. The day was one of revelation.
At the end of the day, I had become a part of the family. I started relishing their customs. The nephews of my friend became my nephews, the younger brother became a good pal and all other relatives of his were also mine. We exchange notes till date and lungis have become my home attire. My friend Kitti at home and Giddu in the friends circle has given me another home. So much so when I really wished to reach out to home during my stint at Panaji, I would just drop in at Belgaum. The family welcomed me with open arms and I earned a place in their hearts.
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